


this is not a body, that’s meant to be embraced

by crypticock



Category: One Piece
Genre: M/M, Minor Violence, Recreational drug usage, Suicidal Ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 21:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18837496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticock/pseuds/crypticock
Summary: exactly what it says on the tin.





	this is not a body, that’s meant to be embraced

The only thing we had in common was our big egos and our penchant for getting stoned. When you really thought about it we could’ve dropped each other whenever we felt like it. There was nothing really binding us together except perhaps the stubborn push and pull of wanting to let go but not wanting to let the inevitable happen.

Sitting here, in this small dingy room, the soft sound of your incessant snoring filtering in my ears; it provided a subtle rhythm to help edge on whatever... mood I was in. Stroking your hair softly and hearing that transfer into your snores in soft stutters made something within me shiver and shake. Something juvenile and honest that I didn’t want to address anytime soon if at all.

He looked tired, as he often did, but the circles under his eyes had developed into masking layers of stress. I am not a healing person by any stretch of the imagination but I will work what I mean through my fingertips and into your skin to soothe your resting heart.

That was sappy as shit and uncharacteristic but we are stoned bro. Running my fingers through his hair I think about just... the intimacy of it all. I never wanted to let anyone close, the thought of my boundaries being breached made my blood run cold and brought over a heady wave of nausea. 

I don’t want to be loved.

I don’t want to know what it feels like to be important to someone or to be cared for or to be treated well. There is nothing more painful in this world than that. There have been bullets, bruises, stab wounds and for fucks sake I lost a fuckin arm. But I would rather do that all again than to let anyone close to me like... that.

Yet here we are, resting. We didn’t even fuck, we sat together and SPENT TIME with each other because we fuckin wanted to. Which should’ve been good, it should’ve been great right? It would’ve made anyone swell with joy, and swell elsewhere too, to kiss, touch and caress that beautiful man. Not heated touches but gentle, loving even, caresses that washed over me like an ice bath.

I wanted him to come into my life and destroy me. To push my boundaries and kick me around a little, something rougher to cope. But the gentleness was overwhelming, it was sickening, it was scary and I wanted to be sick. To shove him away desperately and beg like a pathetic fuckin mess:

“Please, kill me.”

Wrap your fingers around my neck and wring me out for all I’m worth. I don’t want to know your kindness, I don’t want to know your care. The cold, lifeless beating of my numbing heart is begging and screaming to be free.

“Trafalgar, please.”

Gripping the front of your shirt so roughly the fabric threatened to tear. I don’t know what to do with the energy in my hands. I don’t know what to do with anything anymore. Most of all I want you to bear your teeth and rip my heart out like the animal you were when I met you. Break me and bruise me, rip to pieces, destroy me, tear me limb from limb. Rearrange my body into an image of your choosing, rewrite my mind so that I’m so far gone I won’t even remember who I am anymore. Please, this is all I’m asking for this is all I want.

“I need it to be you.”


End file.
